Bum Reviews: The Grey
by Villain84
Summary: Chester A. Bum reviews The Grey starring Liam Neeson. Oneshot. Monologue Format. Bum's Point of View. Rated T for some strong language, and for the movie's content. Enjoy! Please Read and Review


And now it's time for _Bum Reviews_ with Chester A. Bum. Tonights Review: _The Grey_.

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OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

Once more into the- SPOILERS!

There's this guy played by Liam Neeson, and he kills wolves for a living. He's all sad because he he says his wife left him, and he's like suicidal. Seriously, he is. That's like one of the first things we see him do! Point a gun into his mouth!

Dude! What have you got to complain about? At least you have a job! You try living in my shoes for a day! Well... if I had any shoes anyway.

So he gets on this plane, which crashes into the middle of Alaska. Why does it crash? I don't know! We never find out. It's apparently not that important! Bullshit movie! We need to know exactly what caused this plane to crash!

Oh, forget it!

And he meets these other guys who survived the crash. And then it turns out that there's a pack of angry wolves who want to eat them! And they are led by an _evil_ black Alpha Wolf!

_I_ was attacked by a wolf once! We were playing tug-of-war over a hot dog I found in the trash. It was also the last time I saw my left foot. *Sniff! But it was worth it for the hot dog!

So Liam Neeson is like, "We can't stay here. Even though we have a fire, we'll freeze to death if we stay here. We need to head south!"

And the other guys are like, "No. We should stay here. Someone will rescue us, I'm sure."

And Neeson is like, "Nobody will find us here. We need to get moving."

"Why should we listen to you?"

"Because I'm Liam Neeson, and I have more balls than the rest of you."

"...Oh. Right... Okay."

I'm serious! The other guys are liked pussies compared to Neeson. They're useless whimps who just do whatever he says.

So they go hiking through the woods, fighting off the wolves as they go. It's all actiony and thrilling, with that music that gets your heart racing. And it has some emotional, dramatic kind of moments too. And I'm sure they say some things about human nature and survival and some other philosophistical things. I didn't really get them all though. It's awesome, like one of those movies you hear about on that game show with the golden people statues for prizes.

And as the guys go hiking, they get killed off by the wolves one at a time. What an original build-up! I have never seen such creativity in my life!

So all the guys die until only Neeson is left, and it turns out that all this time, they've been heading towards the wolve's den! So really they would have been safer if they stayed with the plane. Neeson doomed everyone! Hooray!

So Neeson gets to the den, and all the wolves surround him, and he's like, "Oh Shit!"

And the Alpha Wolfie is like, "Grrrr! I'm gonna eat you!"

So Neeson is like, "Well, I _am_ Liam Neeson, the most badass sixty-year-old on the planet. So I'm going to go out in an awesome way, and kill this wolf with my knife and broken bottles because it looks awesome."

"Oh, it's okay. Take you're time. I don't have plans today."

And then the movie ends right there! I'm not kidding! We don't even get to see the big fight! Are you kidding me? What kind of a freaking let-down! I saw the trailer, and I was expecting to see Liam Neeson fight a wolf! You lied to me, trailer!

So now I'm like, "You lied to me, director of _The Grey_!"

And the director of _The Grey_ is like, "U mad, bro?"

So that's another jackass director I'm adding to the list of directors I want to kill! I'm putting up here, right under Mr. J.J. Abrahams!

So _The Grey_ was a really epic movie! It had a lot of action and drama, and totally deserves some awards, even though the end was a bit of a let-down.

And say, isn't there already a movie about surviving in the wild against a viscious predator? Anthony Hopkins was in it? Oh, yeah, now I remember! _Silence of the Lambs_!

I'm sorry. That's just the only Anthony Hopkins movie I really know.

This is Chester A. Bum saying: Change! Ya got change? Ah, come on! Help a guy out, will ya? Come on, change!

I need money to buy a gun so I can go kill those jackass directors! Come on! Didn't they rip _you_ off too?

**Author's Notes: I want to be clear on something: I do not hate this movie. I thought it was epic, and not just because I love Liam Neeson and think anything he touches is gold! I've been hoping Doug Walker would do a Bum Review for this movie, but I don't think he will, so I decided to do it myself, kind of the same reason why I wrote a _Nostalgia Critic_ review for _Romeo and Juliet: Sealed with a Kiss_ a while back.**

**Was it a perfect movie? No. There were some things that bothered me, like how I was serious about Neeson seeming to be the only one of the men who had balls, and how I was kind of ripped off by the abrupt ending. The ending still tortures me to this day, but I'm not as angry about it as Chester is. When the DVD comes out, there had better be a deleted scene or alternate ending that explains what happened between Neeson and the Alpha Wolf.**

**Another thing, about the part where Chester was talking about another movie with Anthony Hopkins that was like this one? Well, it's called _The Edge_. I checked it out, and it looks like _The Grey_ did copy some stuff from it, but the Silence of the Lambs joke I made was trying to show my point that I have never even heard of that movie before I saw _The Grey_.**

**I still say _The Grey_ was an epic movie that totally deserves some Oscar and Golden Globe nominations at the very least.**

**I love all the shows done by _That Guy With The Glasses_, my favorites of course being _Nostalgia Critic_ and _Bum Reviews_. I'm eagerly waiting to see what Doug does next on both of these series'.**


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